The Lazy Escort

I know, I haven't been blogging, I swear I'll remember to one day.....

I was sick for a few weeks, didn't work at all but starting to feel much better. For some reason my body just hates winter, I could sleep in pollen but there is something about winter my allergies freak out over. I prefer to hibernate til spring whenever possible... But, as adults we have stuff like "bills" and "responsibilities" and blah blah blah. I remember being a kid, wishing I could instantly be an adult.... Everyone around me would say "enjoy it while you can, being an adult isn't the most amazing thing in the world" I thought to myself "they're lying, being an adult HAS to be great." No....it's really not. *Cries* I want to be 10 again! Remember the imagination? I think that was the best part.... being able to take my toy horses and bring them to life. I never played with barbies, I loved horses..... Had one for a little bit, he was a Straight Egyptian Arabian. To be a kid again.....I would do things so differently if I had the chance.

Escorting is an empty future, which is why I run around scared all the time... I know that it wont last forever and I am sick of being told "you need to find a guy to take care of you." No!! I wont marry for money and although I'm almost 29, I feel like I was 20....had a bad nightmare and woke up at the age of 28... I never had a chance to live, to meet a guy and fall in love, I don't even know if that's a real thing or just something hollywood created. I'm very independent, I NEED to make my own money....I want a life that I built, then maybe a guy that I like can be in it... but I wont hook up with a guy just for money, I am way too blunt to be around someone I can't stand just for money... I'd hate myself. I just want enough money to pay my bills, save a little bit, be able to go shopping and buy what I actually want instead of seeing something that's "too much money." My Dad lived paycheck to paycheck, I swore I'd never do that... it's not living, it's barely surviving, what's the point? I know life is pain but it's worth nothing without things that make us happy and shopping is about the only thing in my life that makes me feel normal and happy.

I have a few ideas for long term self-sufficiency but it'll take time and money... Most of my ideas for a business will never come to pass due to not having the money but breeding dogs is a possibility, I need around $4,000 for a decent young bitch, then once I have 2-3, I'll make an okay amount. I really loved the car business, but it isn't mine, so again....empty future. I got really good at it in just a matter of months because that is who I am, I'm business savvy and good with money. The start up cost for a small used car lot/repair shop is just going to be too much for me. I have to start reporting income and paying taxes at some point for the sake of credit and benefits.

I hate talking about this but I do have a bad back, have since I was 15.... it's why at 18 my bellydance career was o-v-e-r. Most days I can hide it but there will come a time in my life where I wont be able to do anything, so whatever business I choose, I have to do it soon and ensure years from now I can have an employee or 2 to help me run it or I simply wont make it. My back is a big reason why I'm still single... no one understands and no one wants to be in a relationship with a girl that several times a year gets bedridden for 2-4 weeks. It's apart of my life and affects me greatly, I don't feel like wasting a good guys time.... because that's what it will do. I know 100% I could never date someone my own age (wouldn't want to anyway) maybe an older man who has already bounced around and enjoys spending most of his days at home could work... Because that is what I do, I work, then lay in bed... I'm not good for much else. I also value privacy, I like to be alone a lot....I like quiet.

I don't allow my back to interfere with a session, on days it's bad I just wont see anyone. And, I don't want anyones pity, I'm not a charity case, my back is why I love working for my money, doing cars was hard for me but I enjoyed it because it felt productive and I was earning my own money... People take good health for granted, it is a blessing to have enough strength to earn your money. You have no idea what it's like to be this smart person who can't utilize her skills in an industry and making a lot of money because of unfair circumstances.

I've been doing okay but only because a certain someone made a point to help me or I would be kinda screwed not working for 3 weeks so I am very grateful for that.... I get help very rarely, It's all up to me, has been for a long time... Every problem or bad situation, I always have to fix so it's nice to have one person look out for me for once. I get my mechanic back soon... but it's not free, it's going to cost me $1200 a month so the initial financial shock is going to basically punch me in the face then I'll be racing to get enough cars to cover his pay and get some profit out of it. I'll still be escorting, I just hopefully wont be relying on it 100% of the time after I get on my feet in a month or two...that's about how long it'll take before I see profit and that's assuming the auction isn't a bust. I remember this time last year I had a hard time because it's tax season, bunch of idiots willing to over pay for cars show up, ugh.

Wish me luck because I need it, no one believes me til they've been around me for a few months but I truly, truly have honest to God bad luck following me around.