Didn't forget about you
I know it's been a while and I'm not sure when I will be able to blog again, my computer fried a few months ago and I haven't been able to get a new one. I've honestly been under the radar, haven't posted in months, available if a reg messages me, but other than that I've been doing other stuff for money but now comes a time where I look in my closet and everything is ruined and I want nicer things, it's as simple as that, I spent over half my life struggling, setting for less, making sacrifices and it's time for me to get a few things I will cherish. I've thought about doing a trip to SNJ but maybe differently.... I encounter the issue (even with regulars) making appts, assuring me of a visit and cancelling last minute and that is wrong when I go up there, pay for a high-end hotel just for you guys and end up in the hole. Anyone who knows me well knows that when someone reserves an appt, I'm trusting you....I wont take another one for at least 3-4 hours if any and when you make a noon appt, don't show, the joke is on me because it seems like EVERYONE wants that time slot and by the time I realize a reg who I thought was a friend screwed me, my day is over and I've lost money. So I am considering asking for a security deposit from anyone who wants to see me out of state, if let truly plan on showing up, it shouldn't be an issue, if your booking me and "hoping" that you can make time, your hurting me. Guys are not thinking of the consequence that comes with no shows or late cancellations. I will be sending out an email and asking everyones thoughts on this and whether or not you believe it's fair since I do value your opinions. I've been helping sell used cars on the side which is consistant when I have something. For all future appts, please try to give me at least an hour and a half notice, if not more, I don't like to rush my visitors, I don't like to rush getting ready. Other than my computer frying on me it's been quiet, a long break well overdue and the help I needed. Oh, actually that's not true, I had to move apartments, SOBS let my German Shepherds in, then after people in the complex whined about not being allowed to have their Pit Bulls, we got a 7 day notice to remove the dogs from the apartment.....that was NEVER going to happen. I fought thru blood, sweat, tears and winter to keep those dogs, lost everything else...wasn't about to give them up too. It was a disaster but worked out, my room is a little bigger here, decent sized closet and very pet friendly, the only thing about this place that's crap is that I have to pay my water bill to the complex and we have a gas bill. ONE week of water use was $23, that's impossible...a full month was $72, $55 on gas ( and I don't cook ) plus $85 electric, for two people. Something isn't adding up, I feel like I'm getting screwed with no lubrication. Other than that it's nicer here, I feel like I can start to be normal again, I want to work on my happiness...what I want...and right now that's a Gucci purse and I don't care what you say, I've earned something luxurious after so much torment. (Yes, if you think about it I'm working for a freakin purse) BUT, it's not my fault the style is so hideous these days, I can't find anything in Nordstrom, Macys...nothing....the shoes are ugly and the purses are a sin. I'm not just working for a nice purse, I'm working for a future. To save money, have a good life, give what life my mom has left meaning, pay for life insurance and eventually start my own business. I doubt a good boyfriend or husband is in my future so I have to do this like almost everything else alone. It'd be nice but I've accepted I'll likely be alone for a long time if not forever.....that's why I have to do this, no matter what...even having an apt, I'm constantly terrified something will go wrong and I'll be back on the streets, everything can get taken from me so quickly it seems....I can't do this forever, I have to figure out something and it scaes me to death to the point where I'm in tears just thinking about it. Anyway, look out for my postings in Newark, DE and an e-mail about SNJ!!
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